'Grand Opening'

Well, here it is, my first post on my first actually-give-people-the-address-to-my-blog blog. If you are reading this somewhere around April or May '07 and you actually know who I am, chances are I've sent you an email that both advertises this "grand opening" and apologizes for my not having been in touch for awhile and for my not answering some emails here and there.

To catch you up, I am in Korea now on a 6-month English teaching gig, after which I plan to travel around a bit. I still haven't completely figured out the itinerary for the "after which" part, but I've got a little time. I've been here for almost two weeks after having some minor trouble getting here (more on that later).

I've put this off for several days now, well, almost two weeks to be exact. I've been promising that I'd keep a blog to almost anyone and everyone who knows about my departure. I've been talking about starting a blog to my friends at EchoDitto for way over a year. So, F-it, here it is, dammit!

Understand, I'm a very private person, so much so that it takes a lot for me to write about myself and post it to the Internets for anyone to see. But hey, this thing really only serves one real purpose which is to let everyone back home know how I'm getting along. I know it won't be wide-reaching and I find some comfort in that. I also realize that some of you have already gotten bored with this blabber, have decided, "yeah, the dude sounds like he's doing all right," and have gone on to msnbc.com to find out the latest on Imus (should I have hyper-linked msnbc.com or Imus?). But, it's Friday night and I'm half way through a bottle of Soju and listening to Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" and I'm on a roll.

But, why I'm doing this crazy thing when it seemed that I was doing just fine on a fairly impressive career track (this is for my mother, because this is the question she keeps asking or sort of asking from whatever gets beaten around that proverbial bush)? It's a tough question to answer. I know the answer, but I can't quite find the right words for it. How can I put it...

For too long I have let Fear be the sole, or at least final, determinant of many of my actions or lack thereof. I've often assigned this role to Apathy, Laziness, Lethargy (and other states of being in that general synonymous arc), my upbringing and/or Depression, but upon honest self-analysis, it's clear to me that Fear plays the biggest part in my inability to move forward. My conquering Fear as my largest metaphorical hurtle will undoubtedly propel me to the heights that I (even I) and others have envisioned for me for quite some time, including actively making an impact on conditions and parts of existence that greatly concern me. I think that overcoming this fear will help me in all aspects of my life, including forming friendships and establishing and maintaining relationships, where a fear of vulnerability is grossly prevalent.

So, the escape away from what I know, this journey outside my physical and metaphorical comfort zone is all about this: consciously recognizing the limits that I've created for myself and getting beyond them and reaching into the core of me to rediscover a grounded spirituality to which, thus far, I think I've only temporally connected .

So, stay tuned. In the meantime, to help me get past my fear of opening up, here's a little-known fact about me...

I have ugly toes!! Sorry, Lisa. The piglets looked great after the pedicure, but it seems they've taken to their original form.